I was once delighted to go back-to-school shopping with my girl twins. You know the ones; where one is often dressed in purple and the other pink so we don’t confuse them early on. Just one of the many laws of the universe I did not create. Even as a former teacher, I loved debating the princess pencil aisle. While picking pencils at 40 could take me a few seconds, with twins it’s more of an hour long event if you’re hurrying. Every character and color is deliberated upon. Notebook covers? Do they have any three dimensional effects? Fuzzy texture, sparkles, glitter? All so important to the young yet serious student. Markers? How many shades of pink and purple as one shade is never enough? What characters are popular now and how can they represent them in their choices? The dry erase markers, craft markers, crayons, pencils, colored pencils, endless supplies needed to color and dictate one’s education. The notebooks, journals, binders, loose leaf paper, all needed in deference to the laptops they’ll inevitably use as well. Paper clips, glue sticks, post-it notes, wipes, headphones, the list is still being updated as I type this.
While I was happy to be shopping with kids number four and five, I did have to consider the cost of all this. They weren’t my only late summer expense. I also thought about the $10 of post-it notes on the list and my friend who cleaned offices for $10 an hour at the time. Was it worth her time to clean for an hour just for this item for our young elementary kids? Would these items even make it to school? Most kids this age were still putting their clothes on backward. Even the pediatrician reminded me to keep their backpacks light. Would they even make it through the day? When I was a teacher, I asked for pencils, crayons and notebooks. Later in the season, when every single child’s nose ran at the same exact time, I would ask for tissues. School supplies are like clouds that can be everywhere one minute and nowhere the next. So why is that? As most teachers can tell you, there is a black hole beneath each student’s desk. When I’d end math and say, “Take your spelling books out please,” inevitably five hands would shoot up in the air, “I lost my pencil!” Again, I do not make the laws of the universe but they do indeed exist. Yet here I was loading up as requested; a grown adult buying stuff I knew would die in a bathroom drain somewhere for a plumber to find years from now. Was it all necessary or even affordable?
Given the extensive weight of supplies for both girls, I chose to drive them and their supplies to school in advance as that was one of our options. The girls proudly parade in with their Target bags of pinkness and purpletude. Each item taken out of the bag, admired, demonstrated, shown to me once again as if I wasn’t there for the choosing and purchasing. Visions of Barbie and Barney danced in their heads. Then the teacher directed us to dump all these extremely valuable items in bins; big vats of do-not-care. We all looked at each other. Where was the cutesy place to put all these things? How could they show them to their friends and pretend some more while holding them in the air, as every child needs to hold everything up like a kite, whether it’s a pencil or a cat matters not. We quickly became the cutesy helium balloon that loses air slowly and makes an embarrassing sound. The girls inevitably obeyed because no one wants to tick off the teacher they have to deal with all year.
I understand that many of these supplies were for kids who didn’t bring in any supplies. And for mine who will lose their pencils in the classroom black holes later on. But for this I also consider a psychological theory I once heard of: Let’s say you ask a friend for help, they’ll happily do it for free. But if you offer them $10/hour, suddenly it’s about value: Is our friendship worth ten dollars? Is this task worth $10? Too little? Too much? They would rather do it for free than feel undervalued and burdened. Helping a friend feels great and most of us will help more than is requested out of the goodness of one’s heart. School supplies can feel the same way. If the request is, “Hey, if you’d like, send in some crayons and pencils for kids who might not have them,” most parents, especially at the start of the year when everything is on sale, would gladly contribute. But when the list is extensive and supplies are demanded from everyone, including the people who may struggle to pay for them in the first place, that hits different. And while most would think this is an issue of pencils and papers, what is the one thing every single parent worries about when their kid goes to school? Fitting in. Parents will spend more than they have to ensure their kid is not the one without, even on what outwardly appears to be such a minor issue.
So what can we do? Communicate with your teacher. Buy what you can. Keep what you want. Give what you choose. Everything for one’s own child seems huge but a little communication and empowerment can go a long way here. No need to shut off the electric this month to get the supplies that will only elude the backpack and jam the bus heater.
