Many of you will lie to yourselves and disagree with me on this but that restaurant you just thought of when I said fries – the one that I’m talking about but won’t name but we all know who I mean – really does have amazing fries. Despite disparaging reports and customers in disguise, millions still visit each day. So I’m sure at least a few million are in my corner right now as you read this. They probably know the trick as well. It’s like universal law that you have about 90 seconds to eat those fries. You can’t take them home either. You’ve got to eat them on-site or in the drive-thru lane. After that, their flavor exits a black hole in the universe. Their texture turns to dryer lint. Their happy yellow glow becomes taupe, a color even AI can’t define. But for those 90 seconds, a little slice of heaven is delivered straight to your mouth, much of it in the form of salt but still…. You know they’re not good for you. You even wonder if they are potatoes at all. (No, I don’t know either.) But you eat them because for 90 seconds you are not worried about your boss, your spouse, are your flip flops on trend. Nope, you are just bathed in salty goodness. Sure, you’ve sacrificed another day of your diet; just a small bit of yourself but for 90 seconds it doesn’t seem like much.
This is how we spend every single day though; 90 seconds at a time. We give away our attention, our bodies, our beliefs and emotions, our energy 90 seconds at a whack. We give our time, our tears to people who don’t care about them or don’t even know us.
Social media and marketing agencies with algorithms designed to capture our attention and manipulate our choices and spending habits dictate what we are doing with ourselves and our money for example. “Influencers” guide us. Spam websites have sensational articles attached to viruses. Years ago, these marketing strategies might have been an industry secret however today’s society knows full well what is going on. The problem is we are so inundated with information and social media that we just go along with it. There’s little time left to care and be cautious and thoughtful of the placement of our attention and energy. We create with our attention and intention so monopolizing our attention and altering our intentions is huge. But it’s not just social media by any means and of course, not all social media is bad anyway. It’s all about our choices.
It’s relationships. Bad ones. Hanging onto them. Following them on social media. Letting them define us. Replaying the hurts and grievances. Remaining attached to the dog that bit you. Yes, we learn from them so there’s that, I guess.
It’s doing unnecessary things like tracking our steps, our this, our that. My generation didn’t track a thing and we didn’t have an obesity epidemic. I understand there is a value such as when someone has a specific physical goal in mind but how many people do you know have used them to extensive value? The issue is not specifically tracking steps or anything else but it’s one more way we go along with a trend that may or may not suit us and our time commitments. One of my twins for example didn’t want the smart watch she was given for Christmas. She just didn’t want to be more attached to media, texting, or tracking of anything at all. She knew her attention needed to be elsewhere.
It’s family members who think just because we are family that they can control us with guilt or take us for granted or make demands of our time that suit their own needs. Love isn’t doing things the way grandpa did. Love is doing things with grandpa; spending time together that works for everyone.
It’s friends who expect more than they are willing to give in return. Friends with no sense of shut-up when it comes to sharing our fears and feelings.
It’s neighbors and fundraisers for their kids. When you find your friendship depends on buying candles, calendars, or coupons it’s time to just let it be. Our high school’s latest fundraiser was for mattresses. Ok I give in. I can’t afford you anymore.
It’s our memories. Being the last kid picked in gym class, the middle child with your smelly brother’s clothes, the one that wore crocs and socks to formal. Every one of us has good and bad memories. There’s always someone whose memories are far worse. Lamenting in general doesn’t create anything good.
I’m explicit here because there are so many ways we don’t even realize we are giving away our power; our attention, our intention, our energy.
So, I’m just done. Just done with trading sex for french fries; 90 seconds of bliss for what? Over the years, I’ve given so much of my time, my body, my heart, my attention to people and projects that had very little value overall. And worse, for most of it, I can’t even blame other people for all the needless ranting I did in my head. I could have been doing other things, happy things, investing in myself, creating things to inspire other people, learning how to make donuts without holes. But now, to the dismay of others, I have learned from this. I disconnect more from what doesn’t serve me and connect more to what I choose. For instance, when I was young, I used to believe a good friend would listen to another friend indefinitely if she was hurting. I did this to my detriment. When the friend got done ranting, I felt drained as she grabbed a beer with other friends. Nowadays, nope. That ship has sailed. These ears are closed for business. Reaching out and helping someone to my detriment only for me to complain is not helping nor truly honorable on my part. I give what I can certainly and that always turns out to be enough. I encourage you to do the same.
